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30 second dance party

E M O T I O N S = Energy in Motion :: E [nergy] [+] m o t i o n= E M O T I O N // :: If you have the pleasure of reading this, you are officially human! Every single one of us are built with the same purpose, given the gifts of thoughts & emotions. As a human becoming, we will have somewhere between 50,000-70,000 thoughts on average per day [scientist’s have studied, researchers have deliberated!] As humans, we allow our own thoughts control our own emotions. If not mastered, our emotions will control our actions which ultimately revert back to our thoughts. Emotions can lead us to Wonderland, conversing with a Cheshire Cat, stalked by a riddling Mad Hatter, beheaded by the Queen of Hearts, or chasing a tardy White Rabbit down a dark hole while questioning yourself, ‘Who are you?’ Before drinking potion & shrinking in size, one must become the MASTER their emotions. START: Begin by actually recognizing & accepting how you feel. Often we beat ourselves up for feeling a certain way, instead of facing the feeling head on. One truth of human behavior is that only when we except where we are currently can we then start to make a change. NEXT: Once you’re able to feel the emotions, step out! Step away from the emotion. Do not allow your thoughts to navigate your emotional path. When one says “I am stressed!” You are 100% conflating yourself with stress. Notice the thought or feeling for what it is. This is how you will start to create space between you & emotion. FUN PART: Put energy into motion! A stagnant body begets a stagnant mental and motional state. Lack of physical movement creates blockage in energy flow. The most effective portal to inner peace is through physical release! Get out of your head by getting into your body! FINALLY: Dance like nobody’s watching. Don’t let your mind get in the way. Give yourself permission to move freely! DANCE for 5 minutes. Immerse yourself in gratitude; be thankful for your wonderful body! Once you’ve dipped into a state of mindfulness, chances are you feel much better! In the words of Cristina Yang, ‘We have to dance it out. That’s how we finish this.” 💃🏻 ‘30 second dance parties’, my friends x

-E

Large money, little man

Slamming on his brakes, while raising his arm preparing for a stern backhand, I saw my worst nightmare unfolding in front of me. He stopped himself before inflicting pain across my face, as he violently ripped my belongs from my possession & tossed them on the side of the freeway. He called me a stupid, fucking bitch while physically pushing me out of his $100 thousand dollar sports car. ▪️As we were entering the 8West on Saturday, January 11th, I became a victim of domestic violence.▪️My life quickly changed; I will never be the same woman again.▪️His customized license plates spells out ‘EN2PNER’, when it should read ‘MONSTER’. A so-called ‘man’ who ran away from the family abuse, yet chose to carry & expose the evil trait along with him. A sad, lonely boy who buried his pain in financial success. A selfish, evil coward who uses money as a tool to inflict mental & physical pain on others. A disturbing, lonely human who finds pleasure & regularity in degrading people. An entitled, pathetic soul who finds joy & egotistical power by putting others down. A narcissistic, out of control, monster who took my life into his hands own hands. A cowardly poor excuse for a man with a punctured ego & burnt heart. A perfect example of a broken person with nothing but objects to fill his empty soul.▪️As quickly as my tears came rushing in, a restraining order was put into motion. I’ll never forget the look of two male police officers who cradled me in security & promised to be by my side during this tragic situation. Calling the on-duty California state judge at 11pm to legalize a restraining order, not only filled my heart with pure sadness & indescribable shame, it left me questioning, ‘How did I let this happen to me?’ The feeling of embarrassment, & emptiness surrounds my soul as I struggle to wrap my head around this. Finding acceptance will be the beginning to an end. I have allowed myself to build strength & determination. Promised myself to not let this situation to go unspoken, to be buried nor ignored. Staying silent only gives our offenders the power. To be a survivor of DV, we must be brave, stay strong, & be true to ourselves, my friends x

-E

New decade; who dis?

The pack turns right, yet my energy pulls me to the left. All hands go up, mine stay down. Standing in a room of hundreds of people, I continuously closed off outside noise & observed the vibrations around me. I always felt different; I didn’t belong. Instead of rejecting this feeling, I embraced it, & allowed myself to feel. I quickly accepted that I am human; emotions are meant to be FELT :: I’ve always seen life as a playground. Some choose to play it safe, keep their feet on the dirt & maintain a ‘stable’ lifestyle; the rat race. Others go straight to the monkey bars, they choose to experience life but quit when it gets be too hard. Many choose the tire swing, they allow people & circumstances to control the speed & happiness of their own life. Very few choose the seesaw. Those who do whatever it takes to attain success, even they lose it all, they’ll put the same energy into attaining that success once again. I chose to stay off the playground. I decided to build my own. :: 2019 is the year of the breakthrough! With every breakdown, comes a breakthrough! Life is not always, shits & giggles, cupcakes & rainbow sprinkles. As humans, we need to relax, chill out, breath a LOTle. Its called BALANCE, eb & flow. This is the rhythm of the universe, the rhythm of your life. Take the good with the bad. Turn the negatives into positives. Find the simple pleasures in life & learn to let things go. Stop trying to ‘fight the fight’, choose kindness over hate & stride to help one over yourself. Find your place in the community : whatever you can think of, the community has a place for you. Stop judging, learn about others, & S L O W the fuck DOWN! Enter into 2020 aware & accepting. Be conscience of the ‘Here & Now’ & never forget to practice gratitude. Be grateful for the good, sad, the miracles & disasters. Stop making excuses, take responsibility & own your own actions. Envision the life you want & create it! Stay on the playground you were told to ‘play’ on, or go out there & build your own. It’s YOUR choice : May the new year bring each of you true self-love, gratitude & endless miracles. Thank you for being you, my friends x

-E

Good tidings to you, my friends x

When did the holidays become labeled with so much stress?
Why the pushing and shoving during the shopping madness?
Where is the jolly we all sing and cheer for?
How about the absent Christmas lights and missing wreaths on front doors?
Has the purpose of the holidays gone a stray?
Have we forgotten the true reason we celebrate?
It’s not about the food or gifts piled under the Christmas tree,
It’s about spending real quality time with your family.
Tune into your inner child and wear a onesie for a day,
Sing while lighting the menorah or wait up for Santa and his sleigh.
Focus on the joy of traditions; look through a different lens,
May your holidays bring you good tidings and miracles, my friends x

-E

There is always a rainbow after every storm…

Holy fuck! It’s been one hell of a challenging year. Raise your hands if you can agree! The past nine months have had me question my faith in humanity & other people’s intentions. These testing months have questioned my intentions and my very own life’s purpose. This is when I choose to raise up & not crumble from the weight of the world and painful heartache. In times of struggles, it takes a resilient spirit & the will to survive, literally. How does one take powerful upper cuts & sick left hooks, yet still stand, pain-free after the tenth round? I am no expect, yet, I have faced some unthinkable tragedies & walked out of the dark place, brighter & stronger than ever before. While there is no obvious or “one size fits all” solution to becoming more resilient, these have helped me: PERSPECTIVE: The lens we view our world through is as individual as we are. What we see & believe to be true, is not “the” truth, it is “our” truth. If the truth we live by is no longer serving us, or has us coming up against the same hard lesson over & over, perhaps it is time to look at adopting a different perspective that “will” move us forward. HONESTY: In order to move forward, we need to be honest with ourselves. What is it that we truly want? What do we need? How are we really feeling? We may be able to temporarily trick ourselves into believing the façade, but we can’t hide from ourselves for long. The sooner we are honest with ourselves, the easier it becomes to face challenges with grace and a willingness to learn. OPENNESS: When we give ourselves permission to open up to the possibility of “unsticking” ourselves & moving forward, the world reacts by opening up to us. Being open to new possibilities & ways of thinking requires a leap of faith. It often means we are pushing past our comfort zones. When we do take that chance, we are rewarded through the transformation. LET IT GO: every process finds peace with letting go of the hardship that’s holding you back! Release the negative energy, let go of the heaviness & defeats of yesterday. It will rain, it will pour, it may even hail, but remember there’s a rainbow at the end of every storm, my friends x

-E

Tomorrow is never promised, my friends x

It’s safe to say I’m struggling, majorly struggling with finding acceptance. It’s almost like I’m living in a haze, slow thinking; if any thinking at all. I’m just going through the daily motions not even truly putting in effort without recognition. My mind’s fighting it’s self to think, if that makes any sense at all.
I often feel trapped indoors, especially when my mind is stuck reverting back to the heart-breaking fact I won’t allow myself to accept into existence.
“He’s gone babe”; the text message that triggered my hazy thinking and internal numbness. I felt my heart shatter into trillions of pieces and crash into the pit of my stomach.
How are YOU gone? It doesn’t feel real.
I need the stillness of a quiet place, Mother Nature and meditation to gain clarity before finding my path to acceptance and gratitude. [*deep breath]
As I publicly soar through this painful journey of losing who was once the love of my life, I ask you to be kind, forgiving, and gentle. To Live with honesty, courage and love for tomorrow is never promised, my friends x

-E

Rest easy, my angels x

Whenever I mention that my best friend died eight years ago, I feel the tone of the room change. I can tell that the person I’m talking with wants to ask questions, but really doesn’t know what to say. First allow me to begin by saying Steve was my angel, my person who saved my soul after losing my best friend, Matt to heroin two years prior.
Steve & I become best friends while working in a gym downtown Chicago. When I moved to San Diego, we stayed in touch almost every day. I loved him, I still do. I thought he’d be here every minute of every day. I was clearly mistaken. July 2010, I found myself bedside next to a frail man dressed in a perfectly ironed white hospital gown. Steve’s eyes filled up with tears as he gestured the nurse to exit the room. She peels off her plastic gloves and body suit, pulls down her face mask and says she’s right outside if we need anything.
I was rather taken back. The nurse was covered head to toe in what looked like upscale garbage bags while perfectly placing everything in hazardous labeled trash cans. As she shut the door behind her, I ask him to look at me. He looked sad & scared to tell me heartbreaking truth that he has been battling the HIV virus for over 10 years. His mind & body are ready to surrender as the AIDS virus is just too powerful. Steve was a middle aged, black, gay man with an incredible soul. He was funny, caring, gorgeous, compassionate, bitchy, honest, meaningful, and filled with so much purpose. I knew he was sick, I didn’t know Steve had AIDS. He was my person, and he was not supposed to leave me already. Before Steve’s soul left his body, he grabbed my hand and thanked me for being his angel, when all along, I TRULY thought he was mine. The universe works in magical ways. Love H A R D & forever, my friends x. Rest easy, my angels x

-E

Pass to the left and sail to the right, my friends x

I remember the first time I saw Snoop Dogg smoking a blunt live on stage at the Roc the Mic concert in 2003. He was puffing, not passing, a fatty-boom-batty with ease because he’s the mother fuckin’ S-N-double-O-P D-O-double-gi-zee, D-O-double-gi-zee, D-O-double-gi-zee! The envy was real, people, for fucking real!
Using a toilet paper roll with a dryer sheet attached to the end or absurd amounts of air freshener hoping to disguise the soothing, flavorful aroma of marijuana fell second on the important list. Getting high was first on the agenda! Stuffing small bags of marijuana in cigarette packs or in our under garments just to get through security took loads of preparation and strategy; yet more than half of every attendee at every show came quite prepared. Marijuana + live music = heaven on earth. I repeat, straight heaven on earth!
I’m not a total stoner, just a lover of the glorious greens. I studied & continue to study it, too. The connection between music and cannabis goes beyond the experience itself. Research shows that cannabis and music possess some of the same therapeutic qualities such as pain relief, reduced anxiety, and a better connection with one’s surroundings. Which makes total sense, I can confidently say, ‘a friend with weed, is a friend indeed’! Cannabis and music are both described to relieve pain, improve community connection, foster intimacy, reduce stress and improve positive communication habits, not to mention the sharing of Spotify playlists!
Cannabis is capable of some amazing things, its ability to improve our musical experiences is only ONE of them. No matter the genre you’re into, chance are, it’ll be a hell of lot cooler with some weeeeeeed, man.
Be high on life, not just the kind buds, and always remember to pass the left and sail to the right, my friends x

-E

Follow in the lead of a genius & find gratitude in everything, my friends x

‘Thank YOU, Universe!’ Is the first thing I say before getting out of bed every morning. As my feet hit the ground, I say ‘thank you’. Not everybody can step out of bed & feel the cold floor on their feet. As a self diagnosed OCD clean freak, leaving my bed unmade is unheard of. While I’m perfecting setting the pillows in place, I thank the universe for a huge, comfortable place to sleep every evening. I thank the universe for water while taking a shower every day. [It’s a fact not everyone in this world has running water, let alone a daily shower]. I thank the universe every morning for my four legged loves, for they do truly bring me happiness. I thank the universe for Kelevra’s sweet self, Kennedy’s unnecessary high pitched cries & his demand for kisses and of course, Izzy’s 5am ‘paw to the face’ alarm clock. I thank the universe for traffic, and for my perfect timing. I thank the universe when I fuck up & when I really fuck up. I thank the universe for the food I eat, even if it’s an hallucinogen. I thank the universe for the fun memories & the not-so-fun memories. I thank the universe for my gorgeous ride & the five flat ties I’ve racked up in three years. I thank the universe for the late nights & my new love for Skrewball Whiskey. I thank the universe for the brutal hangovers & embarrassing text messages that follow. I thank the universe for the remarkable souls I have attracted in my life. I thank the universe for the not-so-remarkable ones, too! I thank the universe for the stars, moon & the ball of fire that guides us through the day. I thank the universe for my family, friends & foes. I thank the universe for the scent of Tide lavender embedded into my clean sheets. “Thank YOU, Universe” is the last thing I say after another beautiful day in this sweet life I lead. The power of gratitude is beyond measurable. Finding gratitude in everything allows you to let go of the things you can’t control & live a happier life. Albert Einstein said ‘thank you’ 100x a day. Follow in the lead of a genius & find gratitude in everything, my friends x

-E

Live without judgment, my friends x 

An elderly gentlemen approached in the grocery parking lot, lightly grabbed my arm and said, “I love your ink, kid.” He smiled, nodded his head & took a swift pivot toward the entry way. Needless to say, this kind man is my inspiration for today’s rant.
Body art, body bling, self-expression, self-graffiti, walking billboards, drunken mistake, however you refer to them, tattoos have left the category of a ‘controversial conversation’ and have officially become socially acceptable. :: Did you read that correctly? It says ‘SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE’. For the past seven years, I’m consistently built up by the handful of ignorant strangers who are eagerly quick to judge at one glance. ::: “Honey, you’re absolutely perfect…except, why did you do that to yourself?” “Girls should not have tattoos.” “I bet she’s trouble.” “What do you do for a living with those tattoos?” “I would disown my child!” I can go on f o r e v e r ] ::: These ignorant, self-fulfilling comments often come from those without any tattoos. [I call them entitled, uptight, sheltered individuals who clearly have the need to speak when not spoken to]. These same individuals are usually the furthest from “perfect”, yet they receive satisfaction from judging others. Please forgive my bluntness, for someone is bound to get offended. Ladies & gentlemen, I can give one less fuck what you think about my tattoos. I did not think about anyone other than myself when I decided that ink was for me. I can careless about what you’re wearing, the car you drive or what you do for a living. I would never talk down to you about your weight, appearance, or the way you conduct yourself. Why? Because I do not care. I do not give a shit, not one. How you choose to live your life is your prerogative, it makes zero difference to me. Call me selfish, self indulged,…I call it S E L F LOVE. I have zero desire to ever bring anybody down, or bash them for their own personal decisions.
To all you humans who have decided to bless your body with permanent ink, rock that shit proudly! Be proud of the choices you have made, for they have created who you are today! Do you …ALWAYS do you. Live without judgement, my friends x

-E

One step in the right direction, my friends…

Hustle and bustle, temperatures in the teens, not to mention, punctuality is really a thing.
Chicago, the Windy City, the place that gave me the courage to let my voice sing.
A cotton candy swirled sky and a crystal glittering blue,
Comfort in my blanket of sea shells, San Diego, I love you.
Follow your heart, your dreams and your fears to the end,
For one step in the right direction is worth 100 years, my friends x

-E